15. The pilfering parent
Real life lessons from Mom.
My mom thinks the world is supposed to cater to her, serve her and that everyone else is wrong.
Once, we went to Carl's Jr. and she ordered four burgers for the four of us. She pulled one out of the bag while the guy was getting our drinks and hid it. She complained that he forgot a burger. She pulled them out one by one and counted them in front of him.
It was obviously missing because she hid it, and he was swearing up and down that he put them all in the bag. I was stunned speechless, and it happened so fast.
She got a free burger and laughed as we drove off. I was just staring at her as she ate it on the drive home. And she ate her actual burger like the fifth one never existed.
I can't even explain how she is when she's in the hospital. She treats it like a luxury stay in a hotel.
| M00N3EAM
14. Double or nothing
The second-hand embarrassment is all too real.
My dad always acted high and mighty. Still does.
Last year, I went to visit him. He picked me up from the airport but insisted we stop by Walmart first to get something he ordered online. The store had exactly what he ordered, but it was a two-pack.
The staff were giving him two of what he wanted for the same price as what he paid for one.
He did not understand this and argued with the manager for 30 minutes that he “only wanted to pay for one!”
13. The dairy queen
She couldn't believe it really was butter!
My mom literally cannot help herself but to tell other people her opinion. She genuinely sees it as doing everyone a favor. It destroys her relationships with my siblings. None of my other siblings will talk to her.
A few years ago we went out to eat. The restaurant served bread and butter before the meal. The butter was whipped.
My mom, a former dairy farmer's daughter, insisted they bring her “real” butter. The waitress went back to the kitchen and came back and told her what she had was butter.
How dare she! My mom, who apparently is infallible in her ability to detect butter, started acting like a complete witch to the waitress about it because she “knows what real butter tastes like.”
I go to this restaurant often, and my kids were there, so my first instinct was to apologize to the waitress. That was a bad idea. As soon as I did, my mom went into a rage about respecting your elders and walked out of the restaurant. To this day she still won’t admit she was unkind to the waitress.
12. The Darren
I will NOT enjoy the free Wi-Fi!
Anything, and I mean anything, could set my husband off.
We were at a local taproom, and his iPhone automatically connected to the Wi-Fi. Keep in mind, he had full bars on our cell service. The Wi-Fi was being wonky and wasn’t working. The manager, who was a super nice guy, came over and asked how we were doing while he washed some glasses in the dish pit on the other side of the bar.
The following conversation ensued. Keep in mind, my husband was super irritated at this made-up problem because our cell service was working just fine and he could literally just turn off the Wi-Fi.
Husband: Your Wi-Fi is freaking trash.
Manager: I’m sorry. We recently upgraded our internet, and Cox is sending us a new modem. It’s supposed to be here this week.
Husband: If you say you have Wi-Fi, you should make sure it actually works.
Manager: I know. I’m sorry. I’d be happy to restart the modem to see if that helps.
My husband then ignored him and continued to talk under his breath about a made-up issue.
This was my life for almost five years. The sense of entitlement was frustrating enough in public, but more so at home. I had apologized to more servers, retail workers, neighbors and random people in public for him in five years than the rest of my life outside of him.
11. Estranged
My wife's aunt married a horrible person.
Just off the top of my head: at her mother-in-law's funeral, she literally stole all the trays of catered food out of the oven before anybody ate and left.
Another time, she got so hammered she just sat on the sofa and peed. She didn't get up, just sat there.
We don't talk to them anymore.
| GFunk587
10. A fishy excuse
I guess she put a lot of work into the dish.
I was over at my friend’s house, and we were playing video games when his mother told us lunch was ready. She cooked us fish, but I’m allergic to fish.
I told her I couldn’t eat it because I’m allergic, and she lost it.
She went on and on about how I had no manners and that my mother should have brought me up better and that I should always eat other people’s food when I’m over at their house and not make up allergies as an excuse.
My friend was embarrassed, and his father tried to explain to her, but it wasn’t getting through. What was just him trying to explain the situation nicely turned into a heated argument.
My friend brought me to the other room and told me I should leave, so I did and never went back again.
9. The skeptic
Respect the rules, folks.
In the U.K., stores were restricting some items to one person per household at a time. My aunt told her husband (who is a lovely chap but looks dead inside) to pretend they weren’t connected.
When they were in the queue, the store manager noticed how much they were talking and asked if they were together. My aunt told the manager, "Not your business.”
They were asked to leave, so on her way out she told everyone loudly in the line to pretend they were couples to spite the store. She then raised hell with their customer service line.
She told us this over the phone. Literally using words like "stupid lockdown" and "I will show them how ridiculous they are being.”
She also got tossed out of Tesco for refusing to follow the one-way lines on the floor. When the staff told her she was going the wrong way and risking other people, she replied, "I know, I am doing it on purpose.” So they had her removed.
She told her 80-year-old mother, "This whole lockdown is silly. Let the businesses open up again! Just let the old people die. They will be dying soon anyway."
| halosos
8. Hold the slaughtered cow
Big Mac, no meat.
I was working front counter at a McDonald’s in a small town, when a woman came up and said, “I want a Big Mac, but don’t you dare put any slaughtered cow in it!”
I laugh a little, but when I see she isn’t laughing, I pretend to cough and punch in her order and put in “Big Mac, no meat.”
A minute later after she gets her food, I heard the tray dropping from across the room and a blood-curdling scream followed by the audible footsteps of the customer storming up to me with her burger in her hand. Of course, it had meat in it.
The customer was sobbing and demanded to see the kid in the kitchen that made the food. The kid came out from the back (it was his first day working here) and asked what he did wrong.
The customer verbally attacked the kid and then demanded to see the manager. The manager came out and gave her the money back. Kid quit that day over a simple mistake.
7. Mean Jean
I guess there are denim snobs out there.
I was working in a retail store that was going out of business and had to get rid of everything. I was brought in to help sell and speed the process up.
While working one day, I had a woman in her early 50s come up to me with her husband. She didn’t give me any time to speak and said, "Measure my husband, please. He's looking for a pair of jeans."
I was taken aback as I have never heard someone ask (demand) me to measure them for jeans. I got the tape measure and took the measurements and told her, "He is a size XX for width-"
She interrupted, "No, no, that isn't right, measure again." So I measure again and get the same results.
She sighed heavily and said, "Really funny, now can you stop measuring in European numbers or whatever and measure in American. He wears size YY jeans. It isn't hard."
Note, I have a slight speech issue that stems from hearing problems, and it makes it sound like I have a Swedish accent.
"I'm not European, ma'am. May I ask the brand of jeans?”
She scoffs, "He wears American Eagle exclusively."
I nodded and said, "We aren't American Eagle. We don't sell that brand. There's one downstai-"
At this point she was in my face — "What kind of game are you playing? You don't have American Eagle here? Jesus, no wonder you're going to be unemployed soon. This store is a waste of my time" — and promptly walked out, husband glumly in tow.
6. The Facebook faker
Ah yes, we all have that one family member.
My uncle’s wife uses her Christianity to mask how terrible she is on Facebook.
For instance, their family shunned my cousin (their daughter) for deciding to move in with her boyfriend after dropping out of college instead of coming home to them. They won’t speak to her, they took her out of the will and everything. They told my family if they saw her with us they would never speak to us again.
But all over her Facebook she talks about how much she loves God and her family over and over and over. She’s just a nasty person in general. Always has something to say about everything and everyone. She’s the type of woman to post only negative reviews on Yelp.
5. Small victories
Sometimes you just have to let one slip.
My uncle is this soft-spoken giant. He never stands up to his wife in any way. Except once.
At their daughter's wedding, she was about to interrupt the ceremony to close a window because she was chilly. Everyone sitting close could hear her whisper, "I’m going to do it, but I don't want to be rude."
My uncle, in a calm, quiet tone says, "Why stop now?" Almost as if his filter just missed this one.
I swear I could hear my dad snort two rows back trying to hold in laughter. My uncle’s wife was not happy.
4. Conditional love
She tried to Pavlov her husband.
My brother was married to a woman who lived to berate people and rarely went anywhere without a flask to fuel her fire. She despised kids and wasn’t quiet about it.
In the first year of marriage she decided her husband had to earn her. So if she didn’t like the way he painted the shed or groomed the dog or poured his cornflakes (and she never did), there was no reward.
After 10 years, he divorced her, moved to another state, and married a kind-hearted, generous, empathetic lady.
3. The weapon
They put her to good use.
I spend most of my time with my mom in public apologizing to people after she’s walked away.
The one and only time it comes in handy is when I’ve bought cars and had her come in during the price negotiation phase. She’s knocked off thousands purely due to how unpleasant she is and how much people want her to just get the hell out of the door.
| DogPunk
2. Dinnertime despot
You've got this one.
My sister-in-law is the freaking worst.
I hate more than anything going out to dinner with her, especially listening to her order food and talk down to the servers. Holidays are also terrible; she sends out long lists of expected gifts. She celebrates every holiday and birthday specifically for presents even when they’re not appropriate.
One time I was away from the dinner table when the bill came and she waited for me to return to pay the bill by actually handing it to me. She didn't give it to her sibling (my significant other), or pay her half, but expressly handed it to me to pay.
By the way, her husband is an idiot and they are a match made in heaven.
1. Ditched the extra baggage
Good riddance.
I dated a semi-successful business owner, who was twice my age, for eight years. I was young and dumb.
The gist of our relationship was him trying to take over every part of my life. For instance, he would order for me at restaurants and would dissuade me if I wanted to try something new. If I had a problem with something it would be brushed off, but if he had a problem then he had to talk to a manager.
Not knowing any better, I just thought he was very particular and even started copying some of his tendencies, like speaking up when I felt I wasn’t getting the right service when I was out on my own.
I realized what he was when we were flying back from Vegas and our luggage was heavier than when we flew in. Obviously we’d bought extra things which made up for the weight difference. He asked the clerk why the same luggage would weigh more. I innocently answered that it must have been the extra shoes and clothes. He was quiet and paid up.
Later, he told me to not do that again since he knew why the luggage was heavier; he was just trying to get away with not paying. At that moment a bulb went off in my head. This man who spent $1,500 on a stripper for his friend was making an already stressful job more stressful for the clerk in order to avoid paying $60!
We broke up soon after, and I checked myself for the bad habits he’d rubbed off on me.
